george walker: texas ranger|
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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in
george walker: texas ranger's LiveJournal:
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|Thursday, September 15th, 2005|
can everybody please stop sending around that picture of the PRIVATE note i wrote at the u.n.? even the president needs to crap sometimes. gimme a break, y'all!
|Saturday, September 3rd, 2005|
apparently a rap singer named conyay west said that i don't care about black people. well, y'all, that hurts me deep inside. some of my best friends are black people. i love condoleeza rice and colin powell, and any black person who voted for me. how could anyone think that i don't care about people. i think it's pretty clear that i love my americans. i mean, i took time out of my busy vacation schedule to fly over the disaster area in air force one. i even looked out my window. i think that's a lot more than a lot of presidents would do. in fact, when i got confused i even asked for my dad's help because everyone know's he's the best president who ever presidented. guys, this is hard. i don't know what y'all expect.
|Sunday, July 24th, 2005|
hey y'all. i know it's been a long time since i last updated this thing, and i wanna thank all a-ya'll who kept me on yer friends lists. i'm sure you appreciate how busy and stressed a working prez can get, perticuly one who has a chocolate penis.
i'm sure you all heard about those suicide bombers in london, and i believe these tragic attacks on freedom are a firm reminder that the war on terror is a way important deal. me and tony plan to not only elinimate the terrorist aladdins altogether from the world, but to bring together all the people of arab and show them the true freedom of democracy. in that process, mistakes will be made, you can bet on it! i heard that some cops accidentally shot a brazilian fella who they thought was a terrorist. fair enough. i saw the pictures of him. anyone coulda made that mistake. i learned from the president of brazil that they have lots of blacks there, but it looks like some of them look kinda like aladdins. but these mistakes will be seen as stepping stones of progress when we look back on this time.
well, that's all the time i have for ya now. i will try to check in more often from here on in.
p.s. chocco is doin' pretty good, by the way. success turns laura on. know what i'm saying, fellas?
p.p.s. i am also updating my friends list by removing people who don't have me added anymore, so some more of you can be added back. i still have a 750 person limit though, sorry y'all.
|Wednesday, November 3rd, 2004|
thanks y'all! Current Mood: happy
|Friday, October 29th, 2004|
you know y'all, i don't think john kerry has a snowball's chance in texas of winning the election. this is because for four years, i've been doing a really good job of presidenting this country. when i get re-elected, i'm gonna really come down hard on those aladdins in iraq. we're gonna smoke out those evildoers and make iraq into a good democratic country like america.
and you know what? i'm gonna make sure that the george w. bush school of texan english really does get started. i was talkin' about it awhile ago, but then like a lot of things, i got busy and didn't have time for it. well, with four more years, i can really get a lot done. a whole lot.
make sure y'all vote for me on tuesday. thanks guys. Current Mood: optimistic
|Tuesday, October 26th, 2004|
now see here. i don't care what anyone else says. i won those debates fair and square, and john kerry made a dang fool of himself. he doesn't know what he's talkin' about when it comes to protecting hard working americans from those aladdins out in the middle east. he can't even remember poland when he's listing countries, so what does that tell you about his geology knowledge and ability to protect the homeland? i don't think he'd be a very good president at all. i'm sure not gonna vote for him. i hope everyone reading my journal makes the right decision and votes for me on election day. Current Mood: optimistic
|Saturday, September 11th, 2004|
Our enemies are innovative and resourceful, and so are we. They never stop thinking about new ways to harm our country and our people, and neither do we.
|Thursday, July 1st, 2004|
crap. i thought i had this next election in the bag, but along comes michael moore with his movie, and his damn lies. i'd like to straighten up a few "facts" right here in my own personal journal:
1. just because i like going on vacation and playing golf doesn't mean i'm bad at presidenting.
2. just because i am in the oil business doesn't mean i'm one of the evildoers. not every arab is a darned aladdin.
3. i was justified in invading iraq because saddam is a darned evildoer and aladdin, and everyone knows that terrorists come from iraq, it's a FACT michael moore. i went to yale, so i should know.
4. i'm sorry i'm bad at speaking sometimes! it's just that i get so darned nervous, and sometimes i sweat a lot and it smells funny, and then i get self-conscious about my chocolate penis. i always wonder if it's gonna get soft and melty. that would be the most awful mess.
y'all i'm sorry if i've let you down. not all presidents can be as good as my daddy was, but i think i'm doing a pretty great job. vote for me.
|Monday, April 26th, 2004|
all anyone ever talks about is iraq iraq iraq.
you know, i can't tell y'all how bored i am with iraq! i wish someone would ask me about something interesting, like my golf handicap. since i've become prez, i've had lots of spare time to work on it, and i've improved it by three strokes in the last year alone! i love talking about golf. but no one ever wants to hear about it.
speaking of strokes, i figured there's probably a lotta you guys out there wondering how my chocolate penis is doing. i always have a little bit of trouble while the seasons are changing over, especially when it starts getting warmer. you guys know what it's like if you put a hershey kiss or something in your pocket? i've got the biggest hershey kiss in my "pocket" all the damn time. i have to be real careful, when there are reporters around all the time, to make sure they don't snap a picture of any evidividence of meltage in the general penile vicininity.
sometimes i get real pissed at god for giving me this chocolate penis. sometimes it takes all my strength to remember that it is a gift. but i know that jesus knows that i still love him, even when i'm frustrated with my chocopenis. he knows because he can see me showin' them aladdins the true christian american way, and he is happy.
|Saturday, April 3rd, 2004|
i'm sure y'all have heard about what happened to those four brave americans at the hands of those brutal iraqi animals. if anything, this proves even more that i made the right choice. my fellow americans, war is always the answer. Current Mood: contemplative
|Tuesday, March 2nd, 2004|
edwards dropped out of the race. my competition is dropping like bombs on iraq! hopefully nadar will hand me the election again. Current Mood: cheerful
|Friday, February 27th, 2004|
now, first they go and made sodomy legal, and now they want to get married? who do i look like? do i look like a sucker? no way.
i mean, marriage is a sacred institution. i don't think that homos need to go gettin' married and queering things up. that's just the natural order of things. you don't see two male dogs doin' it. after all, God made adam and eve, not adam and steve.
it's bad enough that blacks and whites and the chinese are all allowed to marry together, but i mean, what's gonna happen if women marry women, and men marry men? there won't be enough of us to go around, i'm tellin' you. the human race is gonna go extinct, and they'll all be burning in hell for committing sin after sin after sin. i don't want people lookin' at my country like i'm some commie, just lettin' everyone be all equal and everything. some people just are more equal than others. that's the natural way of things.
good night y'all.
|Monday, February 2nd, 2004|
am i the best president ever?
no, you're the second best, after your daddy
if you say "no", you've gotta tell me why.
|Friday, January 30th, 2004|
i was surfing al gore's internet and i found a website by a man called billy corgan. i think he must read my journal because he called me by my journal title. his website is www.billycorgan.com. i don't think he likes me too much though.
you know what? i think that cheney was bored during my state of the union address. the whole time he kept slumping over, and first i thought he was having a heart attack or something, but now i think he was bored. i don't know what to think about that. why'd i get stuck with that old fart???
at least i'm popular with the ladies.
|Sunday, January 11th, 2004|
me and my chocolate penis would like to tip our hats to iriri
, the most patriotic citizen of all, for donating a paid account for 2 months to yours truly, the prez!
i would like to take this opportunity to suggest that you all show your true patriotic and non-terrorist spirit by getting your prez a paid account! i will be sure to use it wisely, most especially to ensure that my message gets all around al gore's internet and takes the damn thing over! i will be re-elected and your country will be a safe and peaceful place, with many less aladdin terrorists.
once again, thanks to iriri
. if ya ever need a favor, hit me up. you know what i'm talkin about.
|Wednesday, January 7th, 2004|
hey guys, sorry to have to tell you this, but livejournal tells me that i have hit my 750 limit for friends, so i can't add anyone else back. i sure am sorry about this. i bet livejournal is out to stop me from getting more friends. stupid commie democrats.
i bet al gore has something to do with this. you have so much power when you own the internet.
hi y'all. just a quick note from me, the prez.
i need all my pals to register as american patriots here
. that way, we will know y'all ain't terrorists.
i'll let ole johnny sum it up:
As part of the Bush Administration's ongoing efforts to obliterate all traces of terrorism in the United States, the Department of Justice has commenced registration* of each and every American Patriot. By registering all non-terrorists within our borders, it is our intention to make use of the process of elimination to identify the evil ones who walk among us. If you are a non-terrorist (American Patriot), your participation is required. Please register below.
- John Ashcroft
United States Attorney Generalusa patriot registration
do it now, so ya don't forget!!
|Sunday, December 28th, 2003|
my fellow americans,
i've been so busy presidenting lately, that i haven't had any time to write in my trusty livejournal lately. i hope y'all had a good christmas. i always enjoy celebrating christmas, because santa always leaves lots of chocolate in my stocking. i melt it down and use it to fix up the old you-know-what.
i'm sure y'all heard about how i caught saddam. i knew that he couldn't hide out for very long. when the brave american soldiers found him, he looked exactly like osama aladdin. i think that this proves without a doubt
that they are definitely in league. i think now saddam will tell us which hole osama is hiding in.
anyway, i think i've been really generous to the iraqis about this whole thing. i decided i'd let them decide whether or not saddam will be executed or not. of course, i know that they'll make the right decision because we saved their country so it would be only fair for them to return the favor.
now, y'all might be thinking that this whole thing was about oil, but you know what? anyone who says that is WRONG. it's about democracy and freedom and keepin' down facism. it was about keepin' weapons of mass destruction in the RIGHT hands. now, i don't wanna sound greedy, but they don't NEED missiles. we do.
anyway, here's wishin' y'all a happy 2004.
|Thursday, December 4th, 2003|
my fellow americans, i think that al gore is plotting against me with his internet. tonight i did a search for "miserable failure" on a searching page called www.google.com, and it came up with this page
. now, i think it's pretty clear that this is SLANDEROUS. i might have to put him in jail.
|Wednesday, November 26th, 2003|